101 Things I Would Vote For Instead of Donald Trump

Q.P. Quaddle
3 min readSep 18, 2024

1. A soggy smelly blanket.

2. A paper bag of broken hammers.

3. A foul mouthed parrot.

4. A box of musky snakes.

5. A child with a fake beard.

6. A broken bicycle.

7. A goldfish of considerable age.

8. A good natured Arby’s worker.

9. A Girl or Boy Scout.

10. A cardboard box of old magazines.

11. A tarnished set of golf clubs.

12. A broken set of dentures.

13. A cat with a drooling issue.

14. A theoretical element.

15. A deep sea diver.

16. A boulder that can fit through doors.

17. A wooden casket.

18. A certified technician.

19. A hat with tassels.

20. A former member of the military.

21. A pile of dead leaves.

22. A crew member from any primetime show.

23. A nanny with a clear background check.

24. A UFO.

25. A shabby urn.

26. A diabetic ostrich.

27. A delicious mango.

28. A lump of wet poop.

29. A plasticized corpse.

30. A nurse.

31. A C average high school graduate.

32. A rucksack packed with moles.

33. A mischief of rats.

34. A sock filled with peanuts.

35. A pile of random shoes.

36. A goose.

37. A flatulent donkey or ass.

38. A tiger cub.

39. A splintery baseball bat.

40. A tank of hydrochloric acid.

41. A rusted 1986 Pontiac 6000.

42. A tote of molded seasonal decorations.

43. A tourist trap.

44. A bag half full of wet sawdust.

45. A mismatched table and chair set.

46. A can of rusted nails.

47. A quiver of elderly asps.

48. A different reality TV star.

49. A Beatles album.

50. A few teeth.

51. A cigar box of broken crayons.

52. A dog of any breed.

53. A fake leather wallet.

54. A tube television set.

55. A 10 pound ham.

56. A book of pictures.

57. A computer from the ‘80s.

58. A retired boxer.

59. A cabinet with old clothes in it.

60. A basket of urine soaked bedding.

61. A chair with wheels.

62. A chair without wheels.

63. A janitor at NASA.

64. A collection of Conway Twitty cassette tapes.

65. A druid.

66. A jagged pawn shop sword.

67. A coffee soaked notebook.

68. A COVID infected pangolin.

69. A phonebook from Minnesota.

70. A hand bell set.

71. A fake Christmas tree.

72. A torn trash bag.

73. A deer with ticks.

74. A dancer from a Carnival cruise liner.

75. A framed poster of Chadwick Boseman.

76. A lake.

77. A rubber pool with holes in it.

78. A dead kangaroo.

79. A pressure treated fence post.

80. A person who can hold down a job.

81. A beanbag stuffed with dirty hair.

82. A cracked plate.

83. A frayed neck tie.

84. A cow covered in feces.

85. A bust of William Shakespeare.

86. A ball of twine.

87. A monogrammed towel.

88. A comedy joke.

89. A corpulent swine.

90. A bottle of mouthwash.

91. A flare pistol.

92. A lithograph of Geronimo.

93. A nest of wasps.

94. A soiled rug.

95. A book about chickens.

96. A sour pineapple.

97. A Japanese peace lily.

98. A repugnant horse.

99. A toupee.

100. A Joe Biden.

101. A Kamala Harris

Originally published at http://www.gonzotheater.com on September 18, 2024.

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Q.P. Quaddle

Top Writer Humor, Top Writer Satire, Just another freak in the freak kingdom. www.churchofq.com