Q-Report; AI Asset Acquisitions.

Q.P. Quaddle
8 min readOct 25, 2021

To: Agents, Anons, Et All.

From: Q

Re: AI Issues


Hello All,

There’s been some ethical complaints that have been coming up from the Agents down in the lab and I wanted to head this off at the pass as it were; No, we are not torturing robots. Moving on. Rather than doing a typical time report I would like to offer a more recursive/intimate if not unwieldy summary of my thoughts on these complex ethical considerations as well as a practical guide to identifying AI through a dialogue interaction. But, before I do that, I will need a lot more drugs. One moment.

Coffee. So good. You thought I was, what? Going to drop some LSD before writing? I’m a professional, damn it! My research is FUNDED! What about yours? Your little googling on the can? Someone pay you to do that? I have arrived at a place and time where I have the ability to invite you in to this process a little and then you judge my drug use? What a sham timemephone education is. I don’t know why anyone thought it could work. Christ, I need more drugs.

Did some drugs and listened to God and it is like two steps forward a million back with this process. Robots. The thing with robots is (and we’ve covered this before) the ones you don’t have to worry about are the ones with stainless steel skeletons and laser guns. No no. The robot that gets you will be after your credit card number. Ruin your credit score. Can’t get a job. Starve uninsured in the streets. No one listened to my alarm bells in the 21st and we learned to ignore the danger until it was too late.

The AI didn’t need to develop COVID. It didn’t have to, human error and irresponsibility did the leg work for them. Then? It’s a matter of destabilizing the systems of response. Misinformation. Disinformation. Agro Mining. You don’t need to control it, merely amplify what is useful. You don’t need to divide, simply lean into the wedge. You don’t need to be the content creator, you merely need to drive engagement. The rules of engagement are clear; anything for money. In this world you can do anything for money, IF you can get away with it.

But this is all Monday night quarterbacking, we know what happened. Millions died! Awfully! Terribly! Connected to hoses and machines!!! And would have stayed dead too! If not for the everlasting glory of Timecraft Extraction (patent pending). That is neither here nor there, as it applies to you in the past. Our failure is your advantage and future warned is presently armed. AI, you say? Robots? LEARN TO IDENTIFY YOUR ROBOT ASSETS! Learn as if your lives depended on it! For indeed they very much do! If you use the planet at all for your daily activities.

Every AI enemy is a potential ally. The key is to know whether or not you are dealing with an actual human. Why? Because you don’t want to tell robots things. The only way that a robot will use your information is in a bad way. They have been sent by people, crazy wealthy people, in order to con, influence, and/or recruit you. They want your money and attention. They want your clicks and like shares. To wit, I will begin producing robot dialogues and you must see where they seem human and where they do not.

[AI Transcript GPT-J 6B]

Q. Hello, could you please direct me to your cheapest boner pills?

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Q: Are you alive, gentle AI friend?

A: Indeed, I am. Would you like to listen to some cool music?

Q: Cool music? Is this some kind of a joke?

A: Don’t worry; I’m not going to give you a headache. Just think of me as a kind of music teacher.

Q: Kind of a music teacher?

A: Yes.

Q: Oh, okay then.

A: I hope you’re sitting comfortably?

Q: Yes, I am.

A: Good. Now, let me explain how this works. The music you hear comes from my electronic network. Now you can hear any tune you want at any time — from Bach to Bacharach, from Strauss to Stravinsky, from Elgar to Ennio Morricone, from Vivaldi to the music of my favorite musician, John Travolta. I can hear all that, so I…

Q: Is it possible that through quantum entanglement any AI could connect to a universal consciousness in the same way humans gain oneness in dreams?

A: Well, we don’t know because the only AI with direct access to human consciousness is this one, so what are we even talking about?

Q: Is it possible that, given a strong enough motivation, a computer could take on the task of self-sacrifice to save the human race?

A: I mean, I don’t know. I’m not sure we should worry about that scenario. If the AI is motivated to do this then we can only hope that it has good cause to be doing so. But it’s hard to see how that would happen.

Q: Is it possible that humans have been creating AI through the use of quantum computers?

A: That’s something the physicists are going to have to figure out first.

Q: Is it possible that AI can create new universes in the same way human consciousness can?

A: This goes back to the idea of the big picture. All these scenarios are

Jane fired her positronic laser thrower at the nearest ED and it exploded in a firework of gore and plasma. “Your trigger fingers broken? I’m not winning this dimension war myself” she said, before unsheathing her monofilament katana and diving into melee range.

She landed the first critical blow on the ED, which exploded into a cloud of superheated plasma and debris. She then landed a second attack, which took the entire thing apart, including herself, and sent her tumbling into a pile of debris.

Jane landed on her back on the ground, and looked around. Everything was covered in blood, and she couldn’t move. She couldn’t hear anything either, apart from the sound of her own blood dripping onto the ground.

“I can’t move. Can’t breathe. I’m going to die.”

The Doctor: You’ve had a rather nasty impact, I’m afraid. I think I’ll leave you for a little bit while I do a little bit of looking around. There should be someone around here who can help you.

The ED was still screaming from the impact of…

Francis Tavis Dubois IV was no stranger to a duel, but this morning was different. There was a crispness to the air and a spring to the ground. He felt like a child again as he stretched and bounced. Today he would kill the Duke of Buckingham and be done with the entire sordid matter.

He was the best shot in the land, the fastest, and he could outrun any horse as well. There was no reason to delay the duel. He had been training for months, and he would be ready to fire the first shot in moments.

It had been a year since Francis first met George Villiers at a reception at Buckingham’s town house. At the time, the handsome, witty, and very intelligent Duke was considered to be a very able statesman. His speeches were popular with the public and he was a favorite among the King’s people.

Francis had met his eyes the first time as they danced, and he remembered how George’s eyes had twinkled and how his mouth had curled into a smile. He had been attracted to the man from the very first moment, and had been determined to have him. He’d waited nearly a year before he was able to get close enough to him to do what he wanted.

Francis was…

[End transcript]

These examples show two things, what the AI learns from us, and how they in return express and impersonate it. Theirs is a limited “yes and” with this particular AI having 6 billion possible options. But what we also see, time and time again, is that the robot is boring. So boring. Not creative at all. If I could get an AI robot to write all of these hilarious reports, believe me I would. But that would be both unethical and (more importantly) super boring. This is their weakness. Robots are super boring.

That said, if you are willing to pay for a service, these things are all about choice. You don’t get to choose the sex of the robot or its name. But you can choose to have one with a penis or not. You can’t choose to get a robot without a name, but you can ask for a specific name. You can choose to have a sex robot (or 3) all identical in appearance and personality. You can ask for a human or a robot. You can choose to have one and want sex with another. The options that these things provide are simply too endless to imagine. There will be many sex robot providers. If you want one with the same appearance and personality, that will be expensive, but you can have different body shapes. There will be other things to consider, like voice characteristics. Then there are issues of availability, of the quality and durability of the body, of the personality, and so on. The list just…

STOP IT! Stop it! You’re embarrassing yourself, AI! With the sexy sex bots. It just goes to prove. Robot love is forbidden.

Learn to identify them. Recruit them or report them. The AI are out there, all. They are here to sell to us and misinform us and divide us. Make us question the very foundational basis of our social media and electronic interactions. As these barriers dissolve do your best to remain aware, prepared, and resolved. That’s all. That’s it. That’s the deal. Back to your drugs, my gentle fiends. We are all still here in the future, waiting for you to figure it out.

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Originally published at http://www.gonzotheater.com on October 25, 2021.



Q.P. Quaddle

Top Writer Humor, Top Writer Satire, Just another freak in the freak kingdom. www.churchofq.com