Shopping

Q.P. Quaddle
6 min readJul 9, 2023

Shopping

An Out of the Hat Play

By

Jeremiah Liend

Copyright Jeremiah Liend 2023

This play was written for Out of the Hat produced by Bemidji Community Theater 7/7/2023 based on the following four random elements.

Location : Aisle 5 at the Grocery Store

Object : Great White Shark Fin

First Line : A fart is not an appropriate response to the question.

Actors : 3 Female 2 Male

Shopping

Cast:

Mom: An educated and frustrated parent.

Dad: An eloquent although rude parent.

Grace: A sophisticated and well read 8 year old.

Victoria: A reserved though insane 6 year old.

Arthur: A loose cannon maniac 4 year old.

Setting:

Lueken’s Village Foods, Aisle 5

Time:

We are already two hours late

[The stage is empty as we find ourselves in the breakfast food aisle (5) of a grocery store. Enter the family in an ungainly mass. Dad has the shopping cart or basket, Mom is looking at her phone, Grace is reading a Mad magazine, Victoria is chewing gum and trying not to step on cracks, Arthur is careening around in a perpetual attempt at manifesting raw chaos. Mom looks up from her phone and sniffs the air.]

MOM: A fart is not an appropriate response to the question.

DAD: You asked what I thought about bran, it seemed like a clear non-verbal message.

GRACE: You’re gross, dad.

VICTORIA: Stinky daddy!

ARTHUR: STINKY DAD!!!

MOM: Children, please don’t bully your father in public.

DAD: Thank you.

MOM: But also you do smell bad; I wish you would shower.

DAD: A lot of people do.

[Arthur runs off stage.]

DAD: ARTHUR! Don’t run off where we can’t see you! And he’s gone.

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Q.P. Quaddle

Top Writer Humor, Top Writer Satire, Just another freak in the freak kingdom. www.churchofq.com